I was organizing my medicine today and could not stop thinking holy needles! I have way to many needles in my possession. Here is a picture of my new round of medicine. Not sure how I will keep everything straight but I will find a way.
***** PS. I just realized that my day count is off. I am on day 11 of this IVF cycle. I wasn't counting the actual day started *******
I have lost my egg battle with my hubby. We talked to the IVF counselor yesterday and she agreed that a one egg transfer would be the best. The helpful thing that the counselor had was a nice new chart that shows that because of my age the procedure with one egg has a 50% chance of working and with two eggs the total chance of it working is still 50% but of that 50% there is a 30% chance that it would result in twins. Even with that nice colorful chart I am not sold on the one egg but I guess I have no choice. Hubby did give in with the frozen cycle number of eggs though. If we have to go to a frozen cycle than we will implant 2. So I am officially a one egger IVF patient.
On another note. My medicine should get here either today or tomorrow. The next ultrasound and bloodwork is scheduled for 3/6/2009. We will be waiting to see what fun and excitement comes of this whole experience. I am trying to stay positive and am hoping I only have to go through this whole procedure once.
At the end of this whole thing I just want to be a mom so if that means a one egg transfer vs. a two egg transfer then I am ok.
Oh my it is trash day!!! Hubby didn't take out the trash. Gotta run!!! Trash truck is at the beginning of the street.
Yesterday was the BIG egg talk day. I don't think it worked out the way I expected. Doc really stressed that she will put two eggs back in if that is REALLY what I want. She suggested one but if I REALLY wanted two she will do that. She said she will do that before the government decides to start regulating this whole process because of that idiot in CA. PS don't get me started on that whole mess in CA. That will be another post once I know if her decisions will affect me.
So here I was happy as a clam thinking I am going to finally get my two eggs. Without me knowing this, through out the whole conversation hubby was shaking his head and wording one egg to the doctor. He was sitting behind me so I had no clue what he was doing until Doc says that we as a couple need to make this decision. I whipped my head around so fast I think I got whiplash. I knew he was against two eggs but I did not think he would do that to me.
He has children already so he only wants one baby. I understand this but haven't I have been through enough to increase our odds of having a baby and not EVER doing this again. I don't want two eggs so that I can get more than one baby. If we have two fine if we have one fine as well. At this point I want two eggs so that I do not have to do this ever again. He cannot seem to get that. I look at it this way. One egg the chances of that sticking is 40%. Two eggs the chances of one sticking is 80% but chances of having twins is only 40% (I believe that is what doc said). More people who have put two eggs back in have only one egg stick than have twins.
This whole process has been so much fun why wouldn't I want to do it all over again!!! Yes honey I can see your point and would love to continue sticking myself with needles, gaining more weight cause of this lovely medicine, getting facial hair where none was before, and having everyone and their brother seeing my privates just so that you don't have the increased chance of having more than one baby with your wife. NOT!!!!!!
He is not budging on this and I am not either. I cannot say where we will end up at in the end but right now we are at two different ends of the house with minimal contact. We will work this out like we always have but I cannot say when nor what the out come is. We are going back to the psychologist on Monday for another session so I am hoping she can help me see his point and him mine. Who knows. I am going to try and not think about it today. I have had no sleep and I am exhausted.
Today is a very uneventful day. Period is still here and making me cranky. I cannot wait to get this ball rolling. I ordered my invetro meds. Well 8 out of the 9 and the nice big total was $106.31. I cannot believe that. The 9th medicine I still have some left and am hoping it will last me through the whole cycle. Tomorrow on day 5 of this ride I get to sit down with the doctor and discuss how many eggs we are putting back in. The rule is 1 really good egg or 2 so so eggs for ladies under the age of 35. I want 2 really good ones to be put back but husband wants one. He is not arguing the point because I think he feels the doctor will not budge on the rule. We shall see how persuasive I can be with the doctor. Not sure how far I will get but sure will try.
Yesterday AF arrived. She was 2 days a head of schedule. Now we are officially into the start of invetro. I now have my 21 day waiting period of no meds. I am excited about that but dreading the remaining phase of this program. If I calculated correctly than my medicine part of this trip will start around 3/7. I am so scared of this. I know I wanted this but I am scared. This has to work. It just has to. I cannot take it anymore. On Thursday hubby and I have the decision appointment. That is when we decide how many eggs we will put back. I am still fighting for 2. Not sure if I will win this battle though. We shall see. Good night everyone.
Tomorrow hubby and I are taking the invetro medicine class. CRINGE!!! But I am excited because this means that we will be well prepared for this next step. We should get our IVF calendar tomorrow too! The calendar is suppose to show us how our cycle will go. Of course it is not set in stone because nothing I do seems to be set in stone when it comes to this. Once I have the calendar I will post it so that all can see. I hope it isn't to bad. CRINGE again!!! I keep saying that this is all for a good cause. I am excited to be moving forward. Hubby thinks this will be the magic thing for us. I am thinking so too! Wish me luck tomorrow. Objective of medicine class is to make sure I only have to give myself an injection once a day. lets see if that will happen. Fingers crossed with everything.
Holy wow!! The IVF class was informative but just a lot to take in. Through out the class I just kept saying I cannot believe this and one of these minutes I am going to wake up and this will all be a dream. I just cannot believe how much work and stuff is involved in invetro. I have so many things to do. We have a medicine class to go to on Tuesday 2/10, a psych evaluation on Wednesday 2/11, and I have a pap smear appointment on Thursday 2/12. Come to find out taking all of these meds can cause cervical cancer. How nice!!!
The following week we should start the IVF cycle which means more blood work and ultrasounds and then we have an appointment with our doctor to discuss all of this. The appointment with doc is the big one. It will be when we talk about how many eggs we put back in. In the class the doctor said because of my age they will probably only put back one. That was upsetting because I want more than one. Hubby is ok with just one.
If we produce a ton of eggs, which they are expecting me to, than I have to freeze them and pay a storage fee. Urg one more thing I have to see if insurance will cover. Most do not so I am not banking on it. So I will have embryos in storage and paying a storage fee until we either use them or destroy them. That is another fight that hubby and I are having. He says to destroy them. I say to keep them in case, and that is a big in case, I decided later in life I want another child. Now I understand why people go out on disability for this stuff. This stuff can cause you to go mad!
Oh here is another kicker! While going through IVF you have to be on "call" all of the time. If doc calls you need to go NO MATTER what. You can be in the middle of doing something important but if they call you need to drop what you are doing and go running. They said in the class that if you miss one appointment or call than they WILL cancel your cycle. I guess this whole process is so time sensitive that if you are off by a day or a few hours you can throw everything off. Here is an example about how you have no control over your schedule. Let's say you went through all the meds and had all of your eggs removed. You expect the egg to be put back on day 3. Day 3 comes and you are all excited because today is the day you may have the embryo put back in. You took the day off and everything. You are just waiting for the call. You get the call (at some point in the day) and are told nope not today. You are told you have to wait 2 more days. So now you have to either go to work and ask for another day off or just take that day off and ask for another day off. Of course it would be nice if that rejection call came in the morning but nope they cannot guarantee that.
For the next 6 - 8 weeks I have no control over my schedule. I would love to have a drink right now but nope cannot do that. Also, I have to stop my caffeine free diet coke too because that is not recommended. IS there any fun in this anymore?
During Tuesday's medicine class I will be given a calendar of important dates in the IVF process. They say that this will give me a hint as to how this cycle will go but of course these dates are not set in stone. URG!!!! Well I am off to enjoy some part of my remaining week but for all %^*$ hits the IVF fan.
Right now I am fighting to have a baby, keep my marriage a live, and to just stay a float. I am exhausted. It seems that deciding to fight is a common theme in my household right now. My loving (I mean loving honestly) husband and I are at each others throats lately. He is exhausted from all of this and so am I. I cannot stop this battle. So do I keep fighting and maybe lose my husband or do I stop trying to have a baby? I know I am not ready to stop fighting for a baby so the only way to keep both is to get help. I have decided that we need to go and talk to someone before losing my marriage. I hope that this fighting will end soon with a positive out come. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to have a baby and a happy marriage. Isn't this a normal request? Can something come easy to me? Please!!! I beg!!!